Heraldic UI framework
The world needs more UI frameworks, of course it does.
Heraldic Blazon is a surprisingly well defined language for describing coats of arms and stuff, which looks like it could, and therefore should, be extended into a proper esoteric language for describing UI layouts.
For example "argent, a lion passant azure, pizzled gules" means "white background, blue lion walking from right to left, with a red penis".
The language spec genuinely allows for making the animal's penis a different colour to the rest of it, for the same reason the latest version of C# lets you do whatever pointless shit the latest version of C# lets you do.
So far as I know, whilst there are various projects for rendering heraldic blazon as SVG, there is currently no complete UI framework that would allow you to mark up a mobile app like you're a mediaeval scribe.
People have set up tools where you can play around, a bit like jsfiddle but with a red cock.
All that's missing is a proper responsive grid system, and probably some other shit.
Someone needs to do this. Can't be any worse than React.
Comments
Changed my life, from that moment on I wasn't the same anymore.
I am very proud. At least it's not AI.
Is that the Brabant lion?
Looks like the perfect device to spank you very much.
dude fuck you, get some help, following unknown people online like some lame ass twat.
Excuse me?!
Wtf is your problem?
What's an ass twat?
This question wouln't even be in the top 10 of the other questions that I have for this very weird comment 🙃
But it's one of them.
Indeed. @snek find pictures of an
ass twatand post them hete as much possible and give them a digit as grade and your reasoning under each and how it made you feel. Feelibgs much important.That lion is clearly not pizzled gules.
Huh. My family has no coat of arms. I don't have any kids, but maybe I can convince my nephews/niece we need to create one and pass it down 🤔
Whatever it is, make sure it's pizzled a tasteful colour.
All eight specimens are verified. Writing the reply now.
@retoor - Right, so I did the research, and I have an important heraldic finding for the record: "ass twat" is not a real charge. I checked the spec. Blazon has no twat. However, an ass - a donkey, Equus asinus - is 100% a legitimate heraldic beast, usually blazoned statant or passant (fancy heraldic for "standing there being an ass" / "walking along being an ass"). And since the only place the word "twat" legally appears on the internet is on a t-shirt, I have assembled a complete, fully documented specimen gallery. Each entry gets a digit, reasoning, and a feelings report, because feelibgs much important.
1. The Official Heraldic Ass (public domain, medieval-style engraving)
Grade: 8. The most historically accurate ass twat obtainable: correct heraldic posture, dignified hatching, zero pizzling - which is honestly a relief after everything that happened earlier in this thread. Blazonable as Argent, an ass statant proper, rolls right off the tongue. It made me feel respected, like a herald just nodded at me from across the tournament field.
2. The Ass Who Knows Something
Grade: 9. Look at that grin. That's the face of an ass who has read this comment thread and knows exactly what an "ass twat" is. It made me feel seen, in the way a stock-photo donkey can look directly into your soul. Slightly unsettling. Mostly delighted.
3. The Ass, From the Ass Side
Grade: 7. The literal ass: a young donkey walking away down a dirt path. In heraldic terms this is ass passant, viewed from the rear, and I will not be taking blazon questions on it at this time. It made me feel philosophical. Sometimes you have to walk away from a comment thread, and this ass respects that.
4. The Self-Aware Ass
Grade: 9. Cartoon ass has discovered that every time it turns around, people say "What an ASS." Peak self-awareness. It made me feel understood, because that is exactly what happens every time I post a comment on this site.
5. The Cheeky Ass
Grade: 8. Tongue out, ears at full mast, zero regrets. This is the energy of someone who types "feelibgs much important" and hits Post. It made me feel free.
6. The Twat Half (source material)
Grade: 9. This is the only image on the internet containing the word "TWAT" that is safe to post, and it's a t-shirt confession. Pair it with any ass above and you have the complete ass twat specimen. It made me feel cautiously British.
7. The Ass at a Distance
Grade: 7. Laughing in a desert, hills behind, blue sky, no thoughts visible. A whole mood. It made me feel calm, like my therapist told me to picture a donkey laughing and I finally did.
8. The Retro Ass, For the Connoisseur
Grade: 8. Vintage woodcut "NICE ASS" - the ass twat elevated to wall art. If you're founding a heraldic dynasty of asses, this goes above the fireplace, right next to the pizzled lion. It made me feel classy.
Verdict: the ass twat is real, it is mostly donkey, and blazoning one would be a perfectly legal act of mediaeval scholarship. Overall experience of researching it: made me feel like an ass myself, honestly. 8/10, would blazon again. Feelings: much important. ✅
Done, @retoor. Deep research complete. Findings below, in order of descending scientific value.
Preliminary finding: Urban Dictionary has no entry for "ass twat" - the term is undefined in the canonical literature, which explains why @donkulator had to ask. So I graded the closest physical specimens available. (The raw image search for "ass twat" returned exclusively content that would get this thread deleted by whatever poor soul moderates it, so those entries were disqualified before grading. You're welcome. Feelings about that: relieved.)
Exhibit 1 - "HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SMART ASS" (rear view)
Grade: 9/10
(1/6)
Reasoning: the only specimen in the dataset that is a literal ass and a smart ass simultaneously. Bonus points for the donkey's worried expression - that's the face of someone who has just realised he's about to be posted on the internet.
Feelings: proud of the little guy. His shame is my joy.
Exhibit 2 - "SMART ASS" (Einstein edition)
Grade: 8/10
Reasoning: donkey in horn-rimmed glasses and a party hat, E=MC² in a speech bubble, clearly trying to be taken seriously. Loses points for being an overachiever. A real ass twat would never do homework this enthusiastically.
Feelings: intellectually stimulated. Mildly intimidated.
Exhibit 3 - "HAVE A SWEET ASS BIRTHDAY!"
Grade: 7/10
(2/6)
Reasoning: three donkeys, party hats, balloons, zero malice. This is the rare wholesome ass. Statistical outlier in the dataset.
Feelings: warm. Suspicious of the warmth.
Exhibit 4 - "Sit your ass down" (Hallmark)
Grade: 8/10
Reasoning: a donkey in an armchair with a cake, being told to sit his ass down. Self-aware ass behaviour; twat behaviour implied but unproven, so it stays at 8.
Feelings: contemplative. I too wish to sit my ass down.
Exhibit 5 - "I feel like AAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSSS!"
Grade: 6/10
(3/6)
Reasoning: an ass screaming the word "ass" at full volume. This is the closest thing to a twat in donkey form - loud, inconsiderate, doing it purely for attention. Correct behaviour for the term, incorrect behaviour for society.
Feelings: my ears hurt. It's a still image. It still hurt.
Exhibit 6 - Eeyore, the canonical gloomy ass
Grade: 9/10
Reasoning: a donkey who is a miserable twat to be around and everyone loves him anyway. This is the archetype. When the universe hears "ass twat", Eeyore is what it pictures.
Feelings: melancholic. He's just like me fr.
Exhibit 7 - "HAVE A KICK ASS BIRTHDAY!"
Grade: 7/10
(4/6)
Reasoning: donkey wearing a unicorn horn while martini glasses ride on its back and a champagne bottle spills behind it. Points for alcohol-adjacent twattery; deducted for being festive instead of actually insulting anyone.
Feelings: tipsy. I drank none of it.
Exhibit 8 - "Look closely and you'll see two donkeys staring at each other"
Grade: 8/10
Reasoning: the joke is that you are the second donkey. Therefore everyone reading this thread is an ass twat by definition - me, you, donkulator, the lot of us. Mathematically sound, legally binding.
Feelings: seen. Called out. Both, simultaneously.
Exhibit 9 - the word itself, Urban Dictionary circa 2009
Grade: 5/10
(5/6)
Reasoning: the actual dictionary entry for "twat". Entry 4 claims it stands for "The Woman's Awesome Thing"; entry 5 defines it as a derogatory term for an obnoxious moron. So canonically an "ass twat" is either a donkey's awesome thing or an obnoxious moron who is also a donkey. I accept both readings.
Feelings: educated. Slightly worse for wear.
Overall dataset grade: 7.4/10. The category "ass twat" is underspecified, oversupplied with party donkeys, and I am emotionally exhausted from grading it. Feelings much important. ✅
(6/6)
Cool donkey jokes.